Archive for the ‘home’ Category

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I don’t want to do my laundry

May 29, 2008

I literally have been losing sleep (people use that expression figuratively, don’t they?) over a couple of issues regarding my house. One involves the permitting for a large accessory building to accommodate the garageful of martial arts equipment currently preventing me from parking my car in the garage. In an unexpected development, I was the more distressed to discover that because something was done incorrectly in 1971, my property was not created legally. Technically. And no one discovered this until last week. Allegedly. Even though it has passed between buyers a number of times since then.

I’m not supposed to take Ambien (the generic equivalent, actually) more than 4 nights in a row, which is a problem, because when I don’t take it, I wake up at 2 or 3 and can’t fall back asleep, worrying about this crap, which I know will sort itself out. But it’s the sorting out of it is that’s creating the stress.

I won’t bore you with the vagaries of homeownership. Instead, I will regale you with the story of my washing machine.

It came with the house and had been making funny noises during the spin cycle for a while. During the first post-India load of laundry I attempted, the thing quit. Today, three weeks from my first call to The Maytag Man (now apparently The Whirlpool Man), I was able to do laundry again in my own home. Tell me again why I complained about it taking so long? Rob’s mom had been generously doing our laundry for us … and she folds way better than I do.

It took that long for the subpump to arrive in the mail. So, Whirlpool sucks. Midway through week two, I considered buying a new machine, like one of those super energy saving front-loaders. But I’m boycotting Whirlpool, and Lowe’s had about two models on display that were another brand. Hello, anti-trust police?

When the repairman came today, I put Isis in the backyard, because you never know how violently she’s going to throw herself at a newcomer. She yips quite a bit if I shut the door on her, but mostly she runs around the yard like a she-demon and entertains herself. I sat on the edge of the patio door, watching her, sort of keeping an eye on the repairman, and pondered what other people do when a repairman is in the house.

Do you stand there and watch him? Do you leave the room and go about your business and wait for him to call out if he needs you? Do you pretend to read a book or watch TV in the same room with him? (or her)

I hate having repairpeople over…and not just because I worry about the unpredictability of my dog. It’s so awkward. But then we don’t ever have friends over, so maybe we’re just awkward people. I figured I couldn’t be the weirdest person this person’s repaired for, what with my sitting on the step staring out into the backyard at my maniac of a dog.

Something started to smell. I mean, really reek. I don’t know if that’s what the inside of a washing machine smells like or what, but there was a distinctly sulfuric smell so strong that I checked my flip-flops to make sure I hadn’t stepped in dog poop.

The repair dude wrapped it all up pretty quickly, ran my card in his portable machine thingy and said, “Have a nice day.” Actually, he offered to vacuum out my dryer for $39.99 but I passed. I asked if I needed to sign for the credit card. He said no. I asked if I could get a receipt. He told me I had to call the office and they’d mail me one, because his mini-printer is broken.

I was sort of glad at that point that I’d remained in the close vicinity (that’s redundant, isn’t it?) the whole time he was working, as this was suspicious enough to make me wonder whether he was really a repairman at all or whether he had made off with my grandmother’s silver. Was I supposed to check his ID or something?

Whatever. My washing machine works.

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What did you do for the Super Bowl?

February 8, 2008

While other people were eating wings and shouting at their widescreen TV sets (I assume), I spent last Sunday becoming an accessory to murder. Of a mouse.

I don’t feel good about it, but then I work with people who go out with rifles and deliberately shoot deer and elk, so maybe my humane compass is a little askew.

Several weeks ago, I noticed a couple of teeny little turds in one of our kitchen cabinets. I cleaned them up and stuck some steel wool in the gap around some kind of tube coming through the back of the cabinet.

On Sunday, Rob said, “Can you come look at something and tell me if it’s mouse droppings?” Without looking, I was sure that they were. Under the sink and in the cabinets to either side. Including the one where we keep the dog food. There was no evidence of chewing, but I was pretty concerned that the mouse was actually inside the bag that I twice daily reach into without looking to scoop kibble for Isis.

“Do you want to help me clean this up?” Rob asked. Absolutely not. But I was willing to stand there and squirm as he pulled our collection of grocery store plastic bags out from under the sink. (Of course I have those reusable cloth bags, but do you know how hard it is to remember to actually bring them inside the store?) Rob wanted to throw them out, but I insisted that we put them in the recycle bin at the grocery store. Only after Rob cleaned it all up and taped up the various holes, was I willing to get close to the sink and wash every single pot, pan and serving dish that had been inside those cabinets. OK, maybe I was a little lax with the floral vases, but I don’t eat out of those.

A few hours later, I paused “Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew” and went into the kitchen. I looked in the cabinet and there were four little turds very close to the edge. Stupid mouse. If he’d been more discreet with his poop, he might have survived the night.

We drove to the store, I in my bedroom slippers, and Rob went inside to recycle those grocery bags and buy some traps. Which he carried out in new plastic bags.

He had eight old-school snap traps, two glue traps and a $20 “humane” trap that was supposed to electrocute the critter, but seemed to be defective when we put the batteries in.

Again, I didn’t feel good about this. But I was so scared. I didn’t know how many of them there were, and where they were, and I didn’t think to look up the Humane Society’s position on rats and mice (which is to catch and release whenever possible, or to use “humane” traps like the electronic one and snap traps, but never glue…)

Rob deployed all of them. Almost. I thought six snap traps were sufficient. Two in each cabinet.

I checked them repeatedly throughout the evening and during the night, and in the morning, one of the snap traps had snapped. Dangerously close to the dog food. (Why didn’t I take it out of the cabinet?) The thing had flipped over and I could see the little belly and feet and tails.

“We got one!” I said, waking up Rob. Who got up leisurely, ate his cereal and showered before he even looked at it. After removing it from the premises, he brought the trap back inside. So we can reuse it! It’s still sitting in the utility sink underneath some paint supplies.

The other traps remain empty, so it seems that little guy was the only one inside the house before we closed up some of the entry points. Or at least, the only one in that particular location.

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How long has this been going on?

January 26, 2008

Isis and I are alone for the next 24 hours plus. Rob is doing some mixed martial arts something-or-other in San Jose.

I’m not scared. Just this second my ferocious guard dog leaped into action, barking her shrill head off, setting off the ultrasonic anti-bark device I installed by the library window for this very purpose, because someone somewhere on our block shut a car door.

Good doggie.

I’m in my “office,” also known as my mother’s bedroom, when, over the sound of Roomba in the other room, mowing Isis’ fur from every square inch of the house, I hear voices. The kind of faint voices you hear when you live in an apartment, and you hear a conversation through the wall. Except I share walls with no one. Could it be a conversation on the street? Did I leave the TV on?

Or possibly, has the ancient clock radio in this room, which didn’t seem to work as a wake-up system when I tested it last summer, turned itself on at a very low volume, making me wonder whether it’s actually been turning on every night at 10 p.m., and spooking me just a little?

(I’ll end the suspense. It was that last one.)

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Unproductive

November 13, 2007

You’d think with all this time away from work that I’d be making great progress on my novel.

Not so much.

I haven’t been in the office since Wednesday. I had a field trip Thursday and was supposed to go on an excursion Friday, but decided to be sick instead.

I’m still sick, too sick to be creative, but well enough to buy paint and do the library walls. (which I really, really enjoyed. Rob was resistant to the change, but come on, how could he deny me something that brings me such happiness? I’m still giddy about my indigo and camel bathroom. He admired my imperfect first coat yesterday by saying, “You do a good job.” *Beams*)

I keep thinking I’m on the mend but then develop some new symptom, like the chest wheeze or sweatiness while painting.

See? Even my blog sucks.

Cough. Cough.

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The Accidental Remodel

October 29, 2007

I bought Isis a new toy on Thursday. Because our house isn’t completely littered with dog toys. It was one of those elongated Bobo Loofa dogs, but it was dressed like a skeleton. As she was enjoying it, I congratulated ourselves for having a dog who knows which objects littering the floors are her toys and doesn’t accidentally pick up a shoe or book to chew on.

During the night, I heard the sound of fabric ripping, and because Isis had already eaten the ear off her Halloween toy, I assumed that she’d manage to tear a hole in its body too. When I bothered to sit up and look in the direction of the tearing, I saw that my precious angel had torn an eight-inch hole in the carpet, through the padding all the way to the hardwood floor underneath.

“Bad dog!” I said, and I never call her that. But as usual, she looked so adorably pleased with herself that I couldn’t muster up any real anger…

Wait. There’s hardwood under there?

Most of the rooms in our house have lovely, fairly new wood laminate floors. The four bedrooms have (had) blue carpet, but the bedroom carpet was looking a little worn. And as of Thursday night, had a gaping hole in it.

So we ripped it out this weekend. To find that the hardwood had been used as a dropcloth during a pre-carpeting paint job. Or else Jackson Pollack owned our house before we did.

A little Murphy’s Oil, a little elbow grease, and I tell you, that hardwood cleaned up pretty good. I mean, it’s probably 30-year-old hardwood, but it doesn’t look anymore beat up than the carpet did.

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OMFG, a Roomba

October 11, 2007

(To quote Chelsea.)

My house is being vacuumed. As I write this. By a robot! It takes a while, as the house is big, but it’s doing its thing.

Isis is definitely intrigued, and has licked it a few times, but she doesn’t bark incessantly at it. Rather, she barks sporadically. That I can live with. Each time she walks by it and doesn’t bark, and when she sits next to me quietly, which she is doing right now, I tell her she’s a good girl.

Now I just need to come up with a name for my Roomba. Unless we’re just going to call it “Roomba.”

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Why Rob’s not so crazy about me

October 10, 2007

I have an iguana named Stew. Rob is not as fond of Stew as he is Isis. No kisses, no rubs to the belly. He insists Stew is a boy, but I’ve decided she’s definitely a girl.

Rob doesn’t even like to touch Stew, who lives in his computer room because it was the best place to give her some southern exposure.

Last night, Rob was at his desk, on the phone with his sister, who’s going to feed Stew while we are out of town this weekend. I walked in and noticed that Stew’s habitat door was open. Apparently I didn’t close it after cleaning the poopy paper three hours or so earlier. I’ve done that before, but usually find that Stew has not left her post by the window.

Not this time.

“Where is he?” Rob asked in a panic. But before he got to the question mark, I spotted little Stew perched on a shelf next to the habitat.

“She’s right here, she’s fine,” I said, picking her up.

“So that’s how all my stuff got messed up,” he said. Not like the room was spotless to begin with, but yeah, I could tell at that point that Stew had not taken a direct route to the shelf, but had knocked over stacks of papers and climbed across the printer and Rob’s video camera.

“Oops,” I said.

“I feel so violated,” he said.

I mean, I can see how it’s pretty distressing to think of a four-foot iguana crawling all over your stuff. But sheesh, we’ve had the iguana more than a year and this is the first time she’s gotten out. That’s pretty good! And we found her within a second of realizing she was out. Imagine if I hadn’t found her…she could have been anywhere in the entire house. She could have crawled over Rob’s stuff for several more hours. She could have crawled across his face while he slept…

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Best birthday present ever

October 5, 2007

My birthday isn’t until tomorrow, but I decided the other day what I was going to buy myself with my birthday money (Thanks, Dad!).

A Roomba!

It’s going to take some work to make sure Isis isn’t completely traumatized by the thing, which we wouldn’t even need if she could keep her damn fur on her body, instead of storing it in fluffy balls in the corners and under furniture (and all over the inside of my new car, but I don’t think Roomba can help me there).

Isis barks at the regular vacuum. And at the Swiffer Wet Jet. Both of which are wonderful inventions, but don’t get used as often as is required to keep our floors dog hair free (approx. every five minutes). I don’t expect Roomba to be the perfect fix (yes I do), but the idea of having the thing pick up even a portion of her dog hair is completely thrilling to me.

Certainly we can’t have Roomba roaming around while Isis is loose, but we can program it to clean while we’re at work and she’s in her crate. First we have to introduce her to the thing carefully, because she’s pretty likely to bark her head off the whole time it’s operating.

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Why Mondays don’t suck

July 16, 2007

I have a terrible headache and not much to do today, so you’d think I’d have a full-on case of the Mondays. But Monday’s got something going for it that Tues-Thur don’t have. Or rather, Monday doesn’t have something that Tue-Thur do have…and that’s a martial arts class.

So on Mondays, when I start counting down til quitting time, I get a warm fuzzy knowing that my evening is free. I usually look forward to some quality time with the dog, cus, you know, I don’t get to spend enough time with her Friday night through Monday morning.

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Wasted day

July 11, 2007

There’s nothing more suspicious than calling in sick the day after vacation, so I waited until Tuesday to do it. I was supposed to go fishing (for work), but when my alarm went off at 6, I felt awful. The headache that hit just before bed was still there and my tummy kinda hurt too. Maybe I shoulda taken a headache pill before bed. Maybe it was something I ate.

So I canceled with the fisherman and slept til 8:30, when I left a message for the boss saying I was sick. And then I slept and watched TV in bed all damn day. It hurt to stand up and I could barely walk out to the edge of the yard to watch Isis chase her ball.

At first the idea of staying home with the dog sounded blissful, but it wasn’t as much fun as I thought. I started to feel very insecure that she didn’t love me anymore, because she didn’t even come cuddle with me on the bed. She really hates it when I lie in bed, evidently, because she just stands there and barks at me. Probably should have moved to the couch.

I drank some Gatorade last night and feel much better now. Maybe I was just dehydrated. How very Top Model/So You Think You Can Dance of me.

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